


Close Enough to Hurt Me

by justanothernobody



Series: Redemption [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angel/Demon Relationship, Forbidden Love, Heaven & Hell, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, but it’s a heaven/hell au of course they’ve died, hehe enjoy :P, i could’ve put some more but if i did it would just, lots of other minor tags but that’s all for now, so that’s all for now, spoil the story, trigger warning :
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody
Summary: There lies comfort in the arms of a sinner.





	Close Enough to Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo I’m back uwu did you miss me? Okay, ignore that intro hehe :P This is the prequel to my previous story “I’ll Be Braver, Be My Own Saviour”. You can read this as a seperate story, however it would make more sense (?) if you read it one after the other. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Changmin wakes up in a blank room.

 

He sits up, rubs his eyes to get rid of the remaining exhaustion, and looks around. It’s all white here, from the floors up to the ceiling and its four walls.

 

It’s peacefully silent here, so much so he can hear the sound of his own breathing. He shuffles out of the bed and pads over to the curtain-covered window. 

 

Changmin pushes apart the fabric to see what’s outside. There’s a tranquil little garden, filled with blooming flowers and fruitful trees. The sun is shining on them, and it enhances the already perfect view. Beyond that, the nature seems refreshingly clean. 

 

It looks like paradise. He can’t believe it — it must be a dream, just all in his head — Changmin tries to slap sense into himself. 

 

“Ah, you’ve finally risen.”

 

Suprised, he stumbles backward. He turns to see the person who called him. It’s a woman, with full cheeks and a warm smile. She continues, “This is a rather new experience, but I’m sure you’ll adjust quickly.”

 

Confusion builds up inside him, “Wha- where- where am I?”

 

The woman’s smile widens. “You’re in heaven, Changmin.”

 

•••

 

Life is simpler here, he was told. 

 

Changmin finds out that he’s in heaven because he did something considered a good deed back when his heart was still beating. And now, when he’s no longer alive, his reward is this — eternal peace and happiness, she explained.

 

In reality, though, the angelic afterlife isn’t like what he had fantasised it to be. It’s still all humane, with houses lined up in a neighbourhood of people like him. It still involves too much social activities for his liking. It still has jobs, and he was assigned the task of a gatekeeper. It still has nosy coworkers and annoying clients around him too. 

 

Well, they say nothing is perfect. He finally decides that, yeah, this is the closest he can get to an ideal world.

 

•••

 

On one of his working days, something odd catches his eye. 

 

He sees a man with dark hair and a darker smile as he flies over the forest surrounding the gates. It’s the border between two worlds, there’s many bad people there, his higher-up explains.

 

But Changmin was never the one to back down from the face of danger. It’s one of his flaws, either as a human or as an angel. 

 

So it’s no surprise when later that night he ventures into the thick woodlands alone equipped with only a lantern and oppressed fear.

 

As he walks deeper he spots a vague shadow in front of him leaning against a tree trunk. He’s letting out an aura that makes him lightheaded, but Changmin’s too intrigued to run away.

 

“What’s an angel doing here at this time around, huh?

 

He jolts in shock and shouts. The hand holding his lantern automatically goes forth, lighting up the speaker’s face in an instant.

 

“No need to get scared now. Wouldn’t want to be caught here this time around, would you?” the stranger says. 

 

Upon closer inspection it’s the man he saw that noon — jet black hair and a grin that raises goosebumps under his skin. He looks stunning, yet dangerously so — not from here, not an angel but instead a devil. Changmin wants to take caution, but he’s too entranced to act on it. 

 

The stranger seems to take notice of this, Changmin’s sure. As the man takes three steps ahead, he then looks back and beckons Changmin to follow along. 

 

He thinks over it — a part of his mind is yelling at him to just go forward and join the stranger, the other screams to run from the scene while he still can. 

 

Changmin makes up his mind. He walks back and dashes without a second glance into safety’s arms. 

 

But even in the warmth of his so-called home, thoughts of the mysterious stranger refuses to leave his head.

 

•••

 

Curiousity reels Changmin back to the forest soon enough.

 

“Back so soon?’

 

The devil he saw the first time is there again. Leaning on a tree trunk in front of him with a sly expression on his face.

 

“It’s not like I wanted to,” Changmin weakly defends. Yet the devil’s smile grows wider, “You’re a terrible liar.”

 

He doesn’t respond to that. Changmin simply walks up to him, puts a hand out to him and asks, “Walk with me.”   

 

The devil grins, “Very well. Follow me.”

 

•••

 

He’s taken on a path that leads the other side of the forest. They trudge through gloomy roads and Changmin should really be scared of where this is going. But as the man gently holds his hand in each step of the way he decides that he’s completely okay with this.

 

“So… where exactly are we going?”

 

The demon looks at him, shocked. “I thought you had a destination in mind, angel.”

 

He looks away in embarrassment. “Well, there’s no harm in being mindless once in a while, uh....”

 

The demon chuckles at him but gratefully supplies, “Yunho.”

 

“Changmin,” he replies. “Yeah, nothing wrong about going nowhere, really.”

 

Yunho wraps an arm around his shoulder and walks them forward, hand gesturing to their all that’s around them whilst, “But everything is wrong about this. Look around you.” Changmin skims his surroundings. “All dark, right? You don’t belong under here.” 

 

And Yunho’s right. The lush green trees on their path moments ago are no longer there. Here it’s barren, dry land. The plants are either dead or almost there. The cool air is uncomfortable here, unlike in heaven where it’s just right. 

 

Changmin doesn’t belong here. 

 

“Then take me somewhere safe,” he asks. Yunho looks at him in with some unnamed emotion before giving in and leading him upstairs.

 

•••

 

They’re at a park in a part of the world where it’s autumn. 

 

Well, it isn’t really a park per se. More like a children’s playground, complete with slides and monkey bars and even a swing-set. But Changmin is fine with that, he thinks, as he looks around and retracts his wings. 

 

Yunho walks around the small area, boots leaving its dirty print on the snowy ground. Changmin takes a seat on the swings and watches him idly, content on doing nothing. 

 

He starts up conversation. “Any reason for going here?”

 

Yunho shrugs nonchalantly, “I like the air. It’s nice and fresh.”

 

He takes a seat on the edge of the slide in front of Changmin. Yunho leans back and looks up. He looks relaxed, like a weight has been taken off his shoulders. 

 

Changmin’s not sure if Yunho truly is evil when looking like this. He pushes the thoughts down the drain and thinks, oh well, he could get used to this for a change.

 

•••

 

The following night, Changmin goes again. 

 

He mees Yunho in the exact same spot as last time, still with his back against the tree. 

 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Yunho greets. 

 

Changmin says nothing. He stares at Yunho expectantly, waiting for what he’ll say next. 

 

And Yunho does just that. With a single gaze he says, “Follow me,” the same way he said it the night before. It’s still as effective as last time, though, and Changmin trails after him as soon as the words fall from Yunho’s mouth.

 

•••

 

They’re on Earth again.

 

Yunho takes him to a beach void of people. It’s midnight when they arrive, the moon shining over dark skies and giving off a faint light. 

 

Or, maybe, that light is coming from him. Changmin really doesn’t want to bother differentiating those two. Now, he just wants to quietly enjoy the simple sight. 

 

“I hope you don’t mind me taking you here, Changmin.”

 

He turns to look at Yunho. Their eyes meet and in that moment Yunho looks so… human. Looks so real and alive that Changmin can’t even believe it. 

 

He breaks their gaze first, “It’s okay. It’s really nice here, I like it a lot.”

 

They spend several minutes in solitude, no words exchanged yet it isn’t awkward. It’s a comfortable sort of silence — Changmin enjoys that. 

 

Yunho squats down and seats himself on the sand. “Sit with me,” he requests. Changmin joins him and plops down beside. 

 

The cold night breeze blows by them. Changmin instinctively curls his wings close to his body as a makeshift cocoon of warmth. Yunho doesn’t seem too affected by it, almost as if he is used to it. 

 

Well, Yunho probably  _ is _ accustomed to this, he thinks. The pits of hell are always described to him as hot to the core but at the same time cold to the bone. Earth’s winds are nothing compared to that. 

 

Out of curiosity Changmin asks him, “Why’d you take me here, anyways?”

 

“Well, it’s really a story for another time,” Yunho dodges the question. 

 

Changmin immediately regrets prying. “Ah… sorry if I, maybe, opened an old wound.”

 

“No, not at all. I’ve accepted it ages ago. It’s just something I hate to mention, you know?”

 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he assures. 

 

Yunho ponders for a bit, then, “When I was alive, I lived by the shore. I haven’t seen it in so long.”

 

Changmin hums in response. But after that he continues, “Why though? You could always come here anytime you like. Why now?”

 

He turns his face away from Changmin as he replies, “It was home, yeah. But to me, home was never the best of places. I made some terrible memories here, and I don’t particularly like reminiscing them much.”

 

There’s a sheen of gloom on Yunho’s face. He looks at the ocean waters with too much sadness that Changmin believes can’t ever belong to a demon. “Is this where you, uh…”

 

“Died? Yep,” Yunho finishes for him. “I drowned myself here, that’s… why I never wanted to visit before.”

 

Changmin isn’t sure how to react, so he brings his hand closer to Yunho’s. He takes them and laces their fingers firmly against one another. And if he focuses just enough, he can almost feel Yunho’s hand grasping his just as tight.

 

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to give, to even  _ be _ , everything Yunho never had.

 

•••

 

He’s not sure why he always returns. 

 

Just a second ago Changmin swore he was home, but now he’s already in front of the familiar forest he goes through nightly.

 

As he lags a few steps behind, Yunho turns to him. “So, why don’t you choose where we’re off to tonight?”

 

“Huh?”

 

He stops and lets Yunho repeat. “Pick out a spot for us.”

 

“Ah, um… I don’t know where to, though.”

 

“Come on, everyone’s got somewhere they want to visit,” he encourages. Changmin lets his mind wander a bit, and even then he can’t come up with a place.

 

“I really have no place I want to go, Yunho.”

 

“You’ll find one soon enough,” he says, final. 

 

Changmin takes a deep breath as he accepts. He closes his eyes and brings them to the whichever place pops up in his head first.

 

•••

 

The place he thinks of is a cliff near the border where the two realms meet. It’s infamously named Lover’s Point by many, and Changmin internally cringes at how predictable he can get. Thankfully, all Yunho does is raise a brow at him but doesn’t comment on his choice.

 

Changmin steps front and crouches down to sit on the cool grass. He pats the spot beside him to signal Yunho to do the same.

 

It’s quiet for a while, comfortable silence washing over them like the night breeze. And there’s a scene so picturesque for them too — the full moon glowing and stars flickering high up on the clear dark sky. 

 

Yunho leans his head on Changmin’s shoulder, still admiring the scenery. Under the beam of moonlight he looks ethereal, can get away as one of his kind instead of a demon — almond-like eyes, cheekbones, and onyx hair highlighted in the light. 

 

He catches Changmin mid-stare. But instead of shying away he grows bold, directs his line of vision to Yunho’s unabashedly. Their faces inch closer and closer until they’re practically sharing the same air, gold irises meet scarlet, eyes flickering up and down each other’s faces for some sort of sign. 

 

And they don’t know who closed the gap eventually, but suddenly they’re joined in a soft touch lips on lips. The angel presses closer, licking at the seam of Yunho’s mouth to coax it open. They split for air, but Yunho kisses his face in the meanwhile — upon his closed eyelids, his cheek, the tip of his nose, and finally back down to his lips.

 

Yunho tucks back the lock of hair that fell on Changmin’s face. He pushes it back behind his ears, and Changmin isn’t sure he’s ever felt love so intense than now.  As they gaze at each other, Yunho whispers, “I love you” so faint he could’ve missed it. Changmin murmurs them back just as quiet. 

 

Behind the three words that almost went unheard of, there’s an unending river of hope and affection flowing across the two from different worlds.

 

•••

 

When Changmin seeks him out again, Yunho’s already at the entrance of the woods. 

 

“What are you doing here? You could be seen! Or I could get caught by the higher-ups, don’t you know how risky this is?”

 

He doesn’t answer at first. He lets Changmin cool down before taking a deep breath and whispers, “I’ll be down tomorrow.”.

 

Yunho lets him process the words. All that Changmin really heard was  _ down _ , and he’s not sure what to make of it. “Pardon?”

 

“I’ll be down tomorrow,” Yunho repeats, “someone saw me sneaking out and I’m not allowed to stay anymore.”

 

As if by reflex, Changmin exclaims, “Don’t go.”

 

Yunho’s features soften, sad smile gracing his lips. “I don’t want to as well.”

 

The air tenses between them, too many emotions running at once. “I wanted to go somewhere with you one last time.”

 

And Changmin lets Yunho pull him wherever, lets the demon move them away from the forests. 

 

That somewhere is the same beach they visited once before. 

 

Once they arrive, Yunho covers his mouth with his own in an instant. It’s slow, gentle, and Changmin can almost taste a hint of melancholy in it. He parts his lips and lets their tongues slide together. When they separate for air, a string of saliva connects in between.

 

“Take me,” he pleads breathlessly. 

 

Yunho stares at him, uncertainty glazed over his handsome features. “Are you sure? People could find out...”

 

Changmin nods, “No one has to know,” he says desperately, “it’s just us two here, Yunho. Do it.”

 

He stays silent, thinking over it. “Changmin-ah, I wish it were that easy.”

 

He shakes his head frantically, “Yunho it  _ is _ . Please, I’d leave everything I know of just so I can be with you. Pl-“

 

Yunho shuts his up with a kiss. He pours his heart into it, and Changmin gives up his control and lets himself be devoured wholly. 

 

The angelic gold of his eyes light up — Yunho’s too, but instead it flares ruby — in protest. It’s so  _ wrong _ , yet Changmin has never felt something so  _ right _ like this in his life before. Desire bubbles up and runs through his veins like blood. The sparse cracks in his mind is being filled up to completion, the pieces of his soul that was once lost returning to restore the picture. 

 

Changmin exhales shakily, “I don’t want to forget, so take me. Make me feel you inside out. Yunho,  _ please… _ ”

 

Yunho presses his lips against Changmin’s again as he pushes him onto the sand below. “There, there. I’ll take care of you, sweet angel.”

 

As he caresses Changmin’s side he whispers next to his ear, “I love you,” before nibbling gently. 

 

“Then show it — make love to me, Yunho.”

 

They find a position so Changmin is comfortably lying beneath him. He claims his mouth all over again until he feels lightheaded with want. 

 

And under the shimmering stars, they become one — heart, mind, and soul coming together that it becomes difficult to tell where the line between Changmin ends and Yunho starts.

 

•••

 

It feels a lot different without Yunho anymore.

 

There’s just too many things in his home that remind him of the devil, of  _ his _ devil, even though Yunho has never once stepped into this place. Yet there’s some irrational part of his mind that gets nostalgic at too many things. If he looks out the window hard enough, he can almost vision the park blanketed in orange leaves, or the cliff ledge where they shared their first kiss, and even the sea where Changmin gave himself away. 

 

He misses Yunho so much. 

 

And the longing works its way into his day-to-day life. 

 

He goes through the passing days with a visible weight on his shoulder. His smile is never sincere anymore, always too fake and too wrong. 

 

It’s as if there’s a missing link again. The completion Changmin felt like when with Yunho is gone, replaced with a numbing loneliness. 

 

And each night when he lays in his bed he can never fall asleep. He tosses and turns restlessly, eventually giving up on slumber and staying awake all night. 

 

As the rings under Changmin’s eyes darken, so does his thoughts. He gets plagued with thoughts so crazy — of running away, of escape, of freedom — anything to be able to be with Yunho again.  

 

It all eventually leads up to one decision. 

 

Changmin makes his way down the path most never take. He follows a road that leads to a solitary and hidden part of Heaven — the underground. 

 

It’s a place known as where the ones who give up go to. It’s where people like him, those who are borderline insane too, try to find peace. Changmin carefully steps near the pond, stares at his reflection on the grimy surface. 

 

A soundless voice booms in his ears.  _ What is it that you’ve come for, angel? _

 

“I desire to be reunited with someone again.”

 

_ Who may that be? _

 

“His name is Yunho, and- and he’s not of our world…”

 

It stays silent for a good minute. There’s a cloud of tension so thick he can practically taste it on his lips.  _ It comes with a cost to pay _ , the voice replies. 

 

“I’ll give anything for you to grant my wish,” he states, firm and willing. 

 

_ Done _ . 

 

And instantaneously the ground under him crumbles until nothing remains. Changmin free-falls from the sky and down, down, down. As he drops into the abyss, the feathers of his wings fall  like dust and leave behind its structure. Then whatever is left of his once glorious wings snaps — protruding bones cleanly broken from the slope of his back. 

 

There’s so much pain and blood in it all and he screams loud in agony. The last thing he remembers is reaching out for the skies one last time before everything goes dark. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/thirstvxq)


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